A story I’m writing for myself, a reminder to tell myself to believe and stop being delusional.
She’s gone and it’s really time to move on. I’ve been brooding over it since the past 6 months since we last saw each other and I’ve lost count of the days of when it’s been. They were good memories, no they were great memories. I’ve had a family I’ll never have, someone who loved me for being the way I was. Nothing more, nothing less, we were on the top of the world while we had times together.
Now the sands of time has stopped and every night I ask myself this question. Was it a right decision to stop? Some say I’m selfish – I did it to protect myself, other’s say I’m selfless, I did it so we won’t end up being even more hurt. But in the end the outcome was both of us had a knife stabbed right across our chest. Yes, both of us.
Please J, don’t be that idiotic lovestruck fool on your next relationship, nor that bastard that was insensitive towards the smallest comments that she make. It’s time to move on, and leave those bad habits behind. It’s really about time.
Now I’m still finding myself, up till this day, this page’s tagline has always been the same. The topics I’ve been writing too, it’s the same – “Find Yourself”. I’ve travelled a couple of times, but each time I travel, I could never agree more that I’m feeling more and more alone. It was like I was falling into a bottomless pit, avoiding the troubles from the world by swimming into the oblivion. Of course, the are happy moments but it’s always the silence that kills you. Memories and the past starts to come up and you remember. I remember.
Honestly, I’m a wreck. I don’t deny it at all and I can see it for myself. I’m putting up a smile where everyone can see and when I’m back home I peel that mask off and all I can see is sorrow and emptiness in those eyes. I need a life back, and I think it’s bout time I left what happened in 2016 behind. I’m not going to make any progress at this rate if I continue like this. It’s as though I’m a self-destructing time bomb, about to go off anytime soon.
So here we go, a new year a new start. It’s been stagnant for me now still, mainly because army is in the way so i can’t start anything new but first thing is first, I gotta start earning money. I really have to stop those spending habits of mine and save up. I’m the kind of person that always thinks he can earn more money so I can spend more, but the actual problem is that I’m always spending – I’ll never earn enough at that rate. So that’s the first step I’m going to take if I want to get anywhere further in life. Please do yourself a favour J and save yourself, literally.
Okay enough of that random chit-chat, it’s 2.16am in the morning now and I’m heading back to bed. But here’s a song I’ve just listened to on Spotify and it kinda resonated within me (I tend to get very emotional when it comes to listening songs)
The only way to mend yourself from a heartbreak is to love again, from a song sung by Christopher, “Call Your Girlfriend”. Go check it out
Till next time,